So, I realize that I've been a magnet for weirdos and idiots in the past (with a few exceptions of course), but now I think I've found someone who I could really be with!
Please see my future love here: http://www.findingmygoddess.com/
All I have to do is
1. Lose any willingness to think for myself.
2. Make sure that I weigh no more than 3 pounds.
3. Change my religious beliefs so that can I accept all beliefs as truth.
4. Be willing to be laughed at or stared at with incredulity for the rest of my life.
5. Believe that he DOESN'T WANT TO CONTROL ME.
6. Get rid of the European woman who thinks she should have him instead.
Hooray! I'm sure this one won't be as crazy as the last one I had! I'm moving up!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Get yer freak on with Sue Teller
Things to look for:
1. A little suh-mmm suh-mmm.
2. Good product placement.
3. Musicality
4. Signs of insanity displayed by talking to yourself.
5. World Wide Internet.
6. Word! What what!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
DM's playlist and other thoughts on the concert
So if you have time, please read the previous post as well to introduce yourself to my frame of mind during the concert. Here is the outward description of the events of the concert:
As stated before, we had box seats. The box was stocked with food (but drinks were extra - $10 for a six pack!) and we had nobody blocking our view really.
The backdrop of the stage was a projector of films, close ups of the members of DM and other objects. It was a very interesting set up since it had a semi-circle on the middle top part of the screen. This bulge was used in very creative ways during the concert as I'll describe below. The stage also had a catwalk that was used occasionally by Dave and Martin. It would have been nice to have it used a bit more though since it was directly in front of us.
Dave was wearing a leather vest with black pants and from where I sat he seemed to be just as young looking as he was back in the 80's. Unfortunately the close-ups revealed that he had aged, but he still looked great. Martin was wearing a very shiny silver outfit from shirt to boots. And just like Edward, he sparkled (although he didn't have the tinkling sound coming when standing in the light - that must only happen in the sun.) Unfortunately, Martin looked a little worse for wear. Andy did his usual standing behind a keyboard and occasionally pressing a key or whatever. :)
But despite their obvious departure from their 20's (reminding me as well of my own), they were in great form and still had incredible voices that defied any years that may have past.
So here is the play list and a description of the background.
1. In Chains - During this song, the background showed a young dark boy and a wizened old man. In the bulge a woman was walking on what seemed to be a treadmill that was just out of camera range. During the song the man got younger and darker and the boy got whiter and older until at the end they had reversed positions on the screen. The woman who was walking had her clothes continue to morph into different outfits.
2. Wrong - Several cameramen were in front of the stage delivering a live feed to the backdrop of Dave and the others. They added a cool effect in which the screen appeared to be from film rather than from the live broadcast. It took a moment to realize that the video image was not previously shot.
3. Hole to Feed - The big difference with this concert vs. the Black Celebration tour is that they had an actual drummer. The heavy jungle beat from this song was intoxicating.
4. Walking in My Shoes - I loved the backdrop for this. During the intro, a crow flew around and eventually settled on a post. Once the lyrics began, the bulge turned into a crow's eye which roamed over the room peering and blinking at all of us. The effect was a little unsettling but still really cool.
5. Its No Good - Again, pictures of the band performing, but with changing colors and echoes.
6. A Question of Time
7. Precious - A typewriter ball filled the circle this time and wrote the following poem:
I have learned so much
I
Have
Learned
So much from God
That I can no longer
Call
Myself
A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim,
A Buddhist, a Jew.
The Truth has shared so much of Itself
With me
That I can no longer call myself
A man, a woman, an angel,
Or even pure
Soul.
Love has
Befriended Hafiz so completely
It has turned to ash
And freed
Me
Of every concept and image
My mind has ever known.
Tr. Daniel Ladinsky - 'The Gift'
8. Fly on the Windscreen - I just remember being in ecstasy for this. I don't remember one other thing other than calling Joel and having him listen with me.
9. Jezebel - The bulge this time was the moon and the rest of the backdrop showcased Martin singing this song.
10. A Question of Lust - Again, Martin performed this and his glitter was very apparent on the backdrop. Flashbacks of Twilight kept threatening to overtake me, but I resisted.
11. Miles Away/The Truth Is - The circle was the globe with stars shooting past it on the backdrop.
12. Policy of Truth - The globe then turned into the top part of a bubblegum machine while the gumballs fell out of it and bounced all over the rest of the backdrop.
13. In Your Room
14. I Feel You
15. Enjoy the Silence - Astronauts. Each member moved after a few minutes so that a new person's head was in the bulb. Then they just stood still for awhile and stared at you.
16. Never Let Me Down Again
Encore I
17. Shake the Disease - I realize I'll sound like a stupid teenage girl, but I screamed when this came on. I haven't heard them perform this in years! But Martin sang it perfectly and with just a piano accompaniment. I would love to have a recording of this.
18. Stripped
19. Strangelove - Nothing like watching porno with 10,000 strangers.
Encore II
20. Personal Jesus
21. Waiting for the Night to Come - The bulge was transformed into a disco ball and Dave and Martin went onto the catwalk to sing this together.
Afterwards, all the band members came down onto the catwalk where they took a bow and said their thank yous.
For some videos of the concert go here.
This will always be a great memory for me. Thank you Delmar!
As stated before, we had box seats. The box was stocked with food (but drinks were extra - $10 for a six pack!) and we had nobody blocking our view really.
The backdrop of the stage was a projector of films, close ups of the members of DM and other objects. It was a very interesting set up since it had a semi-circle on the middle top part of the screen. This bulge was used in very creative ways during the concert as I'll describe below. The stage also had a catwalk that was used occasionally by Dave and Martin. It would have been nice to have it used a bit more though since it was directly in front of us.
Dave was wearing a leather vest with black pants and from where I sat he seemed to be just as young looking as he was back in the 80's. Unfortunately the close-ups revealed that he had aged, but he still looked great. Martin was wearing a very shiny silver outfit from shirt to boots. And just like Edward, he sparkled (although he didn't have the tinkling sound coming when standing in the light - that must only happen in the sun.) Unfortunately, Martin looked a little worse for wear. Andy did his usual standing behind a keyboard and occasionally pressing a key or whatever. :)
But despite their obvious departure from their 20's (reminding me as well of my own), they were in great form and still had incredible voices that defied any years that may have past.
So here is the play list and a description of the background.
1. In Chains - During this song, the background showed a young dark boy and a wizened old man. In the bulge a woman was walking on what seemed to be a treadmill that was just out of camera range. During the song the man got younger and darker and the boy got whiter and older until at the end they had reversed positions on the screen. The woman who was walking had her clothes continue to morph into different outfits.
2. Wrong - Several cameramen were in front of the stage delivering a live feed to the backdrop of Dave and the others. They added a cool effect in which the screen appeared to be from film rather than from the live broadcast. It took a moment to realize that the video image was not previously shot.
3. Hole to Feed - The big difference with this concert vs. the Black Celebration tour is that they had an actual drummer. The heavy jungle beat from this song was intoxicating.
4. Walking in My Shoes - I loved the backdrop for this. During the intro, a crow flew around and eventually settled on a post. Once the lyrics began, the bulge turned into a crow's eye which roamed over the room peering and blinking at all of us. The effect was a little unsettling but still really cool.
5. Its No Good - Again, pictures of the band performing, but with changing colors and echoes.
6. A Question of Time
7. Precious - A typewriter ball filled the circle this time and wrote the following poem:
I have learned so much
I
Have
Learned
So much from God
That I can no longer
Call
Myself
A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim,
A Buddhist, a Jew.
The Truth has shared so much of Itself
With me
That I can no longer call myself
A man, a woman, an angel,
Or even pure
Soul.
Love has
Befriended Hafiz so completely
It has turned to ash
And freed
Me
Of every concept and image
My mind has ever known.
Tr. Daniel Ladinsky - 'The Gift'
8. Fly on the Windscreen - I just remember being in ecstasy for this. I don't remember one other thing other than calling Joel and having him listen with me.
9. Jezebel - The bulge this time was the moon and the rest of the backdrop showcased Martin singing this song.
10. A Question of Lust - Again, Martin performed this and his glitter was very apparent on the backdrop. Flashbacks of Twilight kept threatening to overtake me, but I resisted.
11. Miles Away/The Truth Is - The circle was the globe with stars shooting past it on the backdrop.
12. Policy of Truth - The globe then turned into the top part of a bubblegum machine while the gumballs fell out of it and bounced all over the rest of the backdrop.
13. In Your Room
14. I Feel You
15. Enjoy the Silence - Astronauts. Each member moved after a few minutes so that a new person's head was in the bulb. Then they just stood still for awhile and stared at you.
16. Never Let Me Down Again
Encore I
17. Shake the Disease - I realize I'll sound like a stupid teenage girl, but I screamed when this came on. I haven't heard them perform this in years! But Martin sang it perfectly and with just a piano accompaniment. I would love to have a recording of this.
18. Stripped
19. Strangelove - Nothing like watching porno with 10,000 strangers.
Encore II
20. Personal Jesus
21. Waiting for the Night to Come - The bulge was transformed into a disco ball and Dave and Martin went onto the catwalk to sing this together.
Afterwards, all the band members came down onto the catwalk where they took a bow and said their thank yous.
For some videos of the concert go here.
This will always be a great memory for me. Thank you Delmar!
Just Can't Get Enough
Yesterday I had the best present I could probably receive for my 40th birthday. I had an opportunity to relive a day from my teenage years.
When I was about 16 years old, I went to my first concert. It was Depeche Mode's Black Celebration tour. Now for those who don't know, Depeche Mode was MY band. If you knew anything about me, it was that I absolutely adored them. I dreamt of them, I plastered my room with posters of them, and sadly as a silly teenager I even had a picture of them next to my bed that I would kiss goodnight.
I went to this concert with one of my close high school friends, Delmar. A series of unfortunate events accompanied this trip to the Park City event. The person who was supposed to drive Del and I there (as my mom and step-dad were on their way to Wyoming with the rest of my family) had the wrong date written down and was a no show when we showed up at her house.
I made the decision to drive us in an unreliable car (actually that described ALL of our cars at the time come to think of it). In my naivete, I filled the car with unleaded when it took leaded. It didn't permanently damage the car, but it did make it die half-way to Park City. We ended up getting it towed the rest of the way and we attended the concert which was incredible.
However, after the concert was done, we were stuck there with few options of getting home. I was supposed to fly out to Denver to visit my dad the next day and my bags were in the trunk of the car in preparation of driving to Salt Lake City to catch a plane.
We ended up getting a hold of the daughter of my next door neighbors and she and her husband came and got us (and my luggage)and took us home. I called my uncle and asked if he would go and take a look at the car (since he's an awesome mechanic). He and his wife and a couple of his kids drove all the way up there where the car magically started up and worked fine.
Unfortunately, they were hit by a drunk driver on the way back and it totaled the car. Since I was not supposed to have taken the car in the first place, I got in a ton of trouble for the whole situation and was grounded for a very long time.
Despite all the problems, I still have good memories of this day and how great the concert was.
Back to the present day, my friend Delmar called me last week and asked if I would be willing to take a trip to the past. He asked if he could take me to the Depeche Mode concert which took place last night. He had box seats and so I reluctantly said yes...by jumping up and down and screaming for joy.
The ride up to Salt Lake this time was not fraught with peril or broken down cars. We didn't have to fight people off of us or put up with second hand pot smoke. Afterwards, the worst part of getting back was waiting to get out of the parking lot. But just the same, during the concert all I had to do was shut my eyes and I was sixteen all over again. I was naive and bright eyed and pure-minded. I had all the hopes and dreams of a life just starting again.
But when I opened my eyes again, I experienced another sensation. One of understanding. I heard the music through a different mind. I understood the meaning behind the words much better - both the joy and happiness as well as the pain and loss that the songwriters had expressed through their lyrics and sound. I realized that the songs I had sung so often I could sing them backwards I had really never understood emotionally. At the time I would have disagreed most heartily at this if someone had been able to point this out to me of course.
It was if the songs were new again to me again while still remaining old and trusted friends. It was a sensation I doubt I'll ever have again in my life.
So thank you Depeche Mode. Thank you for being the ones to help get me through my teenage years. Thank you for providing the soundtrack to that time in my life. And thank you for last night in which I was able, if only for a moment, to reconcile my clean, innocent young mind to my older wiser self and they both benefited from the experience.
When I was about 16 years old, I went to my first concert. It was Depeche Mode's Black Celebration tour. Now for those who don't know, Depeche Mode was MY band. If you knew anything about me, it was that I absolutely adored them. I dreamt of them, I plastered my room with posters of them, and sadly as a silly teenager I even had a picture of them next to my bed that I would kiss goodnight.
I went to this concert with one of my close high school friends, Delmar. A series of unfortunate events accompanied this trip to the Park City event. The person who was supposed to drive Del and I there (as my mom and step-dad were on their way to Wyoming with the rest of my family) had the wrong date written down and was a no show when we showed up at her house.
I made the decision to drive us in an unreliable car (actually that described ALL of our cars at the time come to think of it). In my naivete, I filled the car with unleaded when it took leaded. It didn't permanently damage the car, but it did make it die half-way to Park City. We ended up getting it towed the rest of the way and we attended the concert which was incredible.
However, after the concert was done, we were stuck there with few options of getting home. I was supposed to fly out to Denver to visit my dad the next day and my bags were in the trunk of the car in preparation of driving to Salt Lake City to catch a plane.
We ended up getting a hold of the daughter of my next door neighbors and she and her husband came and got us (and my luggage)and took us home. I called my uncle and asked if he would go and take a look at the car (since he's an awesome mechanic). He and his wife and a couple of his kids drove all the way up there where the car magically started up and worked fine.
Unfortunately, they were hit by a drunk driver on the way back and it totaled the car. Since I was not supposed to have taken the car in the first place, I got in a ton of trouble for the whole situation and was grounded for a very long time.
Despite all the problems, I still have good memories of this day and how great the concert was.
Back to the present day, my friend Delmar called me last week and asked if I would be willing to take a trip to the past. He asked if he could take me to the Depeche Mode concert which took place last night. He had box seats and so I reluctantly said yes...by jumping up and down and screaming for joy.
The ride up to Salt Lake this time was not fraught with peril or broken down cars. We didn't have to fight people off of us or put up with second hand pot smoke. Afterwards, the worst part of getting back was waiting to get out of the parking lot. But just the same, during the concert all I had to do was shut my eyes and I was sixteen all over again. I was naive and bright eyed and pure-minded. I had all the hopes and dreams of a life just starting again.
But when I opened my eyes again, I experienced another sensation. One of understanding. I heard the music through a different mind. I understood the meaning behind the words much better - both the joy and happiness as well as the pain and loss that the songwriters had expressed through their lyrics and sound. I realized that the songs I had sung so often I could sing them backwards I had really never understood emotionally. At the time I would have disagreed most heartily at this if someone had been able to point this out to me of course.
It was if the songs were new again to me again while still remaining old and trusted friends. It was a sensation I doubt I'll ever have again in my life.
So thank you Depeche Mode. Thank you for being the ones to help get me through my teenage years. Thank you for providing the soundtrack to that time in my life. And thank you for last night in which I was able, if only for a moment, to reconcile my clean, innocent young mind to my older wiser self and they both benefited from the experience.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Its been a long time since I rock and rolled....
I turn 40 next week.
Most people who know me well (and who've read my previous posts), know this.
Most of the people who know this and read this blog are younger than me.
Therefore, most people reading this have no idea what this milestone feels like.
I remember being a little depressed about the 25 and the 30. I don't remember any birthdays really being better or worse after 30 because of the state of mind I was in for those years.
This is a moment to reflect and ask myself what I've really accomplished in life. I've done some good things - like had two amazing kids and gotten a bachelors degree - and I've missed out on some things that I planned on doing - like getting my PhD and being married to someone who wasn't completely and only interested in his own needs.
So here's a list of things that I still need to get done before I die:
1. Get my PhD. I would like to continue in Psychology, but really I think there are some other things I would like to learn about that I might be happier doing. Since I work in a legal division of a MLM company, it might be interesting to get more training in the law. However, this also requires a lot of science knowledge so that might be something to consider as well.
2. Lose weight for myself and no one else. I don't want to be thin because I want to impress others. I want to do it for myself and because it will help me be healthier and live longer (which will be a benefit for the kids as well of course).
3. Become more spiritual than I have been in the past. I need more prayer and faith in my life. I tend to try to do things all on my own and forget that sometimes I need help until I'm really struggling.
4. Figure out what my faults are and correct them. I think I picked up a lot of bad habits out of self-preservation and defense over the past 10 years. I want to give those up and be true to who I really am. I want those who really have my best interest in mind to let me know what these are. :)
5. Find someone who really loves me for who I am and not what I can give him. This is not to say that I won't give, but only when I know that I can trust him. And I won't settle again for any schmuck who says pretty words and never follows through with them.
6. I need to learn how to let go of some things that have happened in the past that were really traumatic. I need to live more in the present and in the presence of those surrounding me instead of my thoughts from the past and those who have hurt me.
So those are my goals for the next 40 years. Stay tuned!
Most people who know me well (and who've read my previous posts), know this.
Most of the people who know this and read this blog are younger than me.
Therefore, most people reading this have no idea what this milestone feels like.
I remember being a little depressed about the 25 and the 30. I don't remember any birthdays really being better or worse after 30 because of the state of mind I was in for those years.
This is a moment to reflect and ask myself what I've really accomplished in life. I've done some good things - like had two amazing kids and gotten a bachelors degree - and I've missed out on some things that I planned on doing - like getting my PhD and being married to someone who wasn't completely and only interested in his own needs.
So here's a list of things that I still need to get done before I die:
1. Get my PhD. I would like to continue in Psychology, but really I think there are some other things I would like to learn about that I might be happier doing. Since I work in a legal division of a MLM company, it might be interesting to get more training in the law. However, this also requires a lot of science knowledge so that might be something to consider as well.
2. Lose weight for myself and no one else. I don't want to be thin because I want to impress others. I want to do it for myself and because it will help me be healthier and live longer (which will be a benefit for the kids as well of course).
3. Become more spiritual than I have been in the past. I need more prayer and faith in my life. I tend to try to do things all on my own and forget that sometimes I need help until I'm really struggling.
4. Figure out what my faults are and correct them. I think I picked up a lot of bad habits out of self-preservation and defense over the past 10 years. I want to give those up and be true to who I really am. I want those who really have my best interest in mind to let me know what these are. :)
5. Find someone who really loves me for who I am and not what I can give him. This is not to say that I won't give, but only when I know that I can trust him. And I won't settle again for any schmuck who says pretty words and never follows through with them.
6. I need to learn how to let go of some things that have happened in the past that were really traumatic. I need to live more in the present and in the presence of those surrounding me instead of my thoughts from the past and those who have hurt me.
So those are my goals for the next 40 years. Stay tuned!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I usually don't do this but...
I need to refer those of you who see this blog and not the other one I contribute to.
Please go REALIZE here
Please go REALIZE here
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Most Secret
Taking a page out of my sister's book, I'm going to share some secrets as well. However, I'm not a very private person at all so these may not be a big surprise to anyone.
1. I think I missed my calling in life. I've always wanted to do conservation work. I especially love animals and in particularly sharks and think that it would be really cool to work with and study them. I'm disappointed that not many people in the world worry about keeping them around. Once my kids are grown, I want to find a job that allows me to take care of the earth.
2. I tell myself to shut up all the time. I hate a lot of the things that come out of my mouth.
3. I'm actually glad its my own voice in my head that chastises me though. It used to be someone else's. And that person used to tell me how stupid I was a lot. My own voice doesn't like what I say, but it doesn't call me stupid.
4. I'm afraid of dying. Desperately afraid. Not because I'm worried about the next life as much as I'm afraid for my children if I do.
5. I've always wanted to be a shy person. It feels like shy people act more mature and are respected for that.
6. I still don't know how to feel about my dad. I don't know whether to love him because we're so much alike or be angry with him for not doing more to have a relationship with me.
7. I feel gypped out of my 30's. They were wasted on someone that I don't think I ever truly loved. I cared about him, but I wasn't in love like I had been before with someone else.
8. I get angry sometimes that I wasn't allowed to marry the one person I was truly in love with. But to be honest, I don't know that it would have been the best thing for him. He's happy with his life now and that makes it better for me to have lost him.
9. I would give just about anything to be in my 20's again. Turning 40 scares me to death.
10. I know I'm really smart, but sometimes I worry that I think I'm smarter than I really am. I've learned a lot about my limitations in the past few years. I'm not sure if its because I'm getting older and have had children and its causing a strain on my brain or if I'm just getting wiser as to all of the things I really don't know.
11. I hate that I have a hard time letting some things go. I talk about some things obsessively and I wish I could stop.
12. I feel less sense of purpose when my kids are gone.
1. I think I missed my calling in life. I've always wanted to do conservation work. I especially love animals and in particularly sharks and think that it would be really cool to work with and study them. I'm disappointed that not many people in the world worry about keeping them around. Once my kids are grown, I want to find a job that allows me to take care of the earth.
2. I tell myself to shut up all the time. I hate a lot of the things that come out of my mouth.
3. I'm actually glad its my own voice in my head that chastises me though. It used to be someone else's. And that person used to tell me how stupid I was a lot. My own voice doesn't like what I say, but it doesn't call me stupid.
4. I'm afraid of dying. Desperately afraid. Not because I'm worried about the next life as much as I'm afraid for my children if I do.
5. I've always wanted to be a shy person. It feels like shy people act more mature and are respected for that.
6. I still don't know how to feel about my dad. I don't know whether to love him because we're so much alike or be angry with him for not doing more to have a relationship with me.
7. I feel gypped out of my 30's. They were wasted on someone that I don't think I ever truly loved. I cared about him, but I wasn't in love like I had been before with someone else.
8. I get angry sometimes that I wasn't allowed to marry the one person I was truly in love with. But to be honest, I don't know that it would have been the best thing for him. He's happy with his life now and that makes it better for me to have lost him.
9. I would give just about anything to be in my 20's again. Turning 40 scares me to death.
10. I know I'm really smart, but sometimes I worry that I think I'm smarter than I really am. I've learned a lot about my limitations in the past few years. I'm not sure if its because I'm getting older and have had children and its causing a strain on my brain or if I'm just getting wiser as to all of the things I really don't know.
11. I hate that I have a hard time letting some things go. I talk about some things obsessively and I wish I could stop.
12. I feel less sense of purpose when my kids are gone.
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