Its been a long time since I rock and rolled....

I turn 40 next week.

Most people who know me well (and who've read my previous posts), know this.

Most of the people who know this and read this blog are younger than me.

Therefore, most people reading this have no idea what this milestone feels like.

I remember being a little depressed about the 25 and the 30. I don't remember any birthdays really being better or worse after 30 because of the state of mind I was in for those years.

This is a moment to reflect and ask myself what I've really accomplished in life. I've done some good things - like had two amazing kids and gotten a bachelors degree - and I've missed out on some things that I planned on doing - like getting my PhD and being married to someone who wasn't completely and only interested in his own needs.

So here's a list of things that I still need to get done before I die:
1. Get my PhD. I would like to continue in Psychology, but really I think there are some other things I would like to learn about that I might be happier doing. Since I work in a legal division of a MLM company, it might be interesting to get more training in the law. However, this also requires a lot of science knowledge so that might be something to consider as well.

2. Lose weight for myself and no one else. I don't want to be thin because I want to impress others. I want to do it for myself and because it will help me be healthier and live longer (which will be a benefit for the kids as well of course).

3. Become more spiritual than I have been in the past. I need more prayer and faith in my life. I tend to try to do things all on my own and forget that sometimes I need help until I'm really struggling.

4. Figure out what my faults are and correct them. I think I picked up a lot of bad habits out of self-preservation and defense over the past 10 years. I want to give those up and be true to who I really am. I want those who really have my best interest in mind to let me know what these are. :)

5. Find someone who really loves me for who I am and not what I can give him. This is not to say that I won't give, but only when I know that I can trust him. And I won't settle again for any schmuck who says pretty words and never follows through with them.

6. I need to learn how to let go of some things that have happened in the past that were really traumatic. I need to live more in the present and in the presence of those surrounding me instead of my thoughts from the past and those who have hurt me.

So those are my goals for the next 40 years. Stay tuned!