If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

I think I laughed up a lung while reading this page: http://www.safenow.org/

Maybe your expectations are a little high

So as we all know, I work for a MLM dietary supplement company. Being in the department that reviews marketing material, I've read some pretty crazy stuff. I've seen claims that ingesting deer antler extract gives you deer-like abilities. I've seen a distributor quote that stated she can "rest in peace" knowing that she takes our products. I've seen a distributor claim that one of our products cured her dog's breast cancer. The list goes on.

Fortunately, by the time it actually gets to the distributors, its at least a lot more realistic and defendable once it goes through all the review processes. Our marketing people are actually getting pretty good at knowing what is and isn't going to get past us and so the amount of craziness has decreased.

However, sometimes I run across other advertising for dietary supplements that make me realize how freakin' together my company is.

Take for instance this wonderful testimony for a new juice made by a local dietary supplement company:

“I was so impressed that the juice came in bottles. This alone is a symbol of quality!”
—Naomi Stone

So I have to ask:

• What does juice normally come in where you're from?
• How did you receive your juice previously? Did you have to go to the manufacturer and dip your thrice used cup into a bucket to get some? Did you have to suck it out of a pill perhaps? Did it come all dried up in the stained and torn envelope the company sent to you when you ordered it?
  
• This is a symbol of quality? Really? A symbol?
  

So here are some things whose quality I have a testimony about:

• Walmart's great products because they are actually in the store.
• My car's great ability to hold gas.
• My own quality of living in a house. The fact that I live in a house and not, say, the grassy field across the street is a symbol of my house's quality.

REALLY?!

The worst part of this quote is actually not the quote itself. It's that it's found on the company's website. This means that not only did some doofus say it, but somebody thought that it was a good quote and even further some other webdesigner/IT idiots didn't question it before adding it! (Perhaps they were ignored or maybe they just don't give a flyin' patootie.)

The other scenario is that Naomi actually said something else, but words were removed (or added - cause seriously, symbol?) during the review process and nobody bothered to read the end result. Apparently not even Naomi cause its on the web and she hasn't asked for it to be removed.

Naomi Stone - if you are googling your own name and come across this blog, please for the love of all that is holy ask that this quote be removed from that website! All of the Naomi Stones in the world are being mocked mercilessly for this and they are not amused.

TV shows I like or want to see....

So I really don't get to watch actual t.v. that much, but I do like to either watch t.v. shows on my ipod (cause I can watch it on the go, while exercising or on my breaks etc) or online (hulu.com is awesome for this). I'm caught up with several of my favorites though and need some suggestions on other things to watch.

Just to let you know, I generally don't watch a t.v. show until the end of the season because then I'm not kept in suspense every week. I hate that. This is probably the same reason that I tend to read the end of the book first. (And Almond, I already know that you hate that about me.) :)

So I'm gonna list what I watch currently and what I've already been told is really good. What I need from you is a list of shows that you love that I can get addicted to as well.

T.V. Shows I watch (or have watched in the past):

• Lost
• The Office
• Supernatural (While it makes me feel like a letch, I have a huge crush on Jared Padalecki)
  
• Dead Zone
• Dexter
• Dead Like Me (I think this got cancelled actually which is a real shame)
• Arrested Development (ditto on the cancelled)
• Whose Line is it Anyway (also cancelled)
  
• Flight of the Conchords
• Extras
• CSI (but not the past couple of seasons - and I don't like the Miami or NY ones as much)
• Law & Order SVU (need to catch up also on the last couple of seasons)
  

T.V. Shows I've seen a little of or have been recommended to me and I want to watch more of (but don't have yet)

• My Name is Earl
• BattleStar Galactica 2003
• Heroes
• Prison Break
• 24
• Pushing Daisies
• The 4400
• FireFly
• Desperate Housewives (I actually use to watch this quite a bit, but not for a long time now)
  

So, any others I'm missing?

This is what I watch when I need to laugh...hard.

Postcard to Joel and Anne

Nuff said.

I miss Arrested Development

I'm not going to put a lot of effort into this post because mostly I'm writing to get my sister off my back who thinks I don't post enough.

However, I do want to lament the disappearance of Arrested Development. I'm sad that because I was in an Ohio shaped cocoon, I never had the opportunity to witness on live T.V. the incredible genius that the writers of this show displayed in every episode. I did not discover it until I escaped and was once again able to see and enjoy humor.

My most favorite character is George Michael. The actor who plays this character (Michael Cera) is perfect at it. It is hard to believe that Michael himself is not actually a mumbling, nervous, high-strung teen-ager because he plays the part so well. His nervous chuckle and his jumpiness at any statement that he perceives might be directed at his taboo desires have my hands at my sides trying to keep them together and help me not die with laughter.

I also love Tobias. Granted he freaks me out a little, but I love how this character is in so much denial about himself and his life - not only sexually but also how others see him, how his professional life is going and how he's doing as a father and husband.

One of my favorite parts of the series is in the first episode of Season 1 after he explains that the homosexuals (that he was mistakenly put on the same boat with) weren't pirates but were actually actors in the local theater. He pauses to look around at the family and states that he's been waiting for the universe to provide a path for him and he now thinks it has. His wife, Lindsay, says "You're gay." (Favorite part is next) - Tobias says "No.....No! I'm not gay. Lindsay, how many times must we have this...No. I want to be an actor." I just love the insinuation that this is a topic that they go over all the time. And his frustration that people keep accusing him of this always cracks me up.

Most of the humor is so subtle that I catch something different each time I watch an episode.

To say these are my favorites in no way means that the rest of the cast is not just as excellent. Each member plays their part so incredibly well, so perfectly that it would be easy to believe that each actor actually had these quirks and dysfunctions in their own lives.

So I grieve that its over. I grieve that I was never able to contribute to the ratings. I grieve that so many people never had or gave this classically humorous piece of art a chance.

What have I been doing the past 10 years????

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?

Living in Dayton, Ohio and preparing to get married. Both thoughts give me the shivers to this day.

2. 5 Things on my To Do List -

Stop global warming
Create a vehicle that runs on water or air
Invent a teleporter
End world hunger
Get some sleep

3. What Snacks do I enjoy?

Reese's pieces
Anne's Italian popcorn

4. What would I do if I were suddenly a billionaire?

Stop global warming
Create a vehicle that runs on water or air
Invent a teleporter
End world hunger
Get some sleep
Buy a house

5. 3 Bad habits

Swearing - done mostly in the car (when there are no kids around) and at work.
Getting distracted and forgetting to complete a task.

6. 6 places I've lived

Switzerland
France
Australia
New York
Utah
Idaho

7. 6 jobs I've had

Mechanic-monkey helper
Autoparts delivery babe
Telephone (dispatch) sexy voice
Telephone (customer service) sexy voice
Super legal whiz regulatory affairs world traveler

8. 5 things most people don't know about me

I don't like toast for dinner at nice restaurants
I've never been to Istanbul
I pine after root beer bottle caps
I really like the shape and color of my eyes
I miss being 25.